Nguuoooonngggggg *sounds of aircraft passed above my head

00:08

Sebenarnya tak niat begadang. But hey, i can’t sleep. Have u ever feel, when u have something sucks, stuck in ur head, and suddenly kompak-kompaknya semua masalah yg tak berkaitan ngantri buat ngisi porsi di kepala. Addduuuuhhh.. Hobi amat sih nyusahin saya.. Ini setan nomor berapa yah yang punya kerjaan, setan yang spesialis numpuk-numpuk masalah.

Ahh.. I’m totally feeling down, sad, depressed, dan kali ini betul-betul terjebak sendiri.

So lonely, and desperate.. Help me ya Allah.. *teardrops.. ;((

 

Random

As time goes by..

People come and people go. Some of them stay the same, another change. Yesterday’s memories are fresh, but I’m facing different fact today. Uncertainty, is the only one definite thing.

Could I ?

 

Out of Plan

Dan siapa bilang saya siap melakukan ini?
Mungkin memang hanya uji nyali, atau sekedar iseng.
Berusaha belajar, namun terseok.
Sekarang semuanya tampak semakin buram.
Entah apa yang akan terjadi selangkah ke depan,
Serasa berjalan tanpa arah, menunggu kejutan berikutnya.
Semakin tidak pasti.
Entah dimana, dimana titik itu dalam peta kehidupan ini.

Semakin lelah.. lelah.. lelah..
Ketidakteraturan ini sungguh menguras energi..

 

Apa kabar blogku?

Wahh.. ternyata hampir 3 bulan gak pernah posting tulisan di sini.

Apa kabar bagian dunia ini?

Maafkan saya yang terlalu sok sibuk dan sok tidak bisa meluangkan waktu bahkan untuk hanya sekedar menjenguk..

 

 

 

Cheers.. _Y_

 

Planning without Priority = NonSense

 

I have a plan to study abroad, I have a plan to do traveling more, I have a plan to memorize more du’a and surah from Al-Qur’an, I have a plan to increase my TOEFL score, I have a plan to learn Dutch and Germany, I have a plan to be a professional English Teacher, I have a plan to be an expert chef, I have a plan to … *ahhh, to much Daydreamer..

Let’s have a look up for the simple and more logical cases.

Case 1. I’ve collected a lot of books [a lot of means really A LOT]. I’ve bought it periodically, at least 2 of a month. But ask me, have I finished to read them all? Yes of course, but I’ve just finished to read the synopsis.. *pathetic!

Case2. One of my student will continue his study to the higher level, and English test is one of the requirement. He asked me to guide him in overcome and review the exam. So, I took the material, promise to review it, and give some assistance to help him. Now, ask me. How much progress that I’ve done? Hmm.. I’ve read the test, answered some numbers *base on my feeling* without serving grammatical explanation, and don’t forget.. the deadline remains.. *gasp..

Case3. There is a plumbing leak in my kitchen sink. It makes seepage at my wall if I opened the tap. It has being happened for almost 2 months! Actually, I just need to call the plumber which is supposed to be served by the developer to fix it. But since I found that my developer  just always promising without any real action, I’ve become tired to ask them. So, how ’bout that seepage? Has it been fixed? Of course hasn’t yet. I’d prefer never use that kitchen sink than fix it.. *horrible!

Case 4. I have a plan to do exercise regularly, try to live in a more healthy life. Bought some guideline such as videos and books *I did it last year, for sure* So, how’s my progress? Heheheh.. I’ve just done the first exercise yesterday and maybe my body is shocked. It made a total destruction. I just feel stiff in my whole body.. *still thinking about continue the exercise or just give up..

Case 5. Considering that I’m a working girl with a full of activities in weekdays, but in the other side intent to serve my own meals in my mission to live healthy, I plan to do shopping for my daily needs just once a week at the weekend. I fulfill my fridge with some ingredients, and ready to cook. But, does it work? Hmm.. so far, I always have to throw away some ingredients because of spoiled. I felt so sorry about it, very sad. I don’t know why, maybe my dining portion is too small, I lose my appetite easily, or I’m not expert in doing shopping.. *I guess I’m failed to be a woman.. T_T

And a lot of other cases that I’ve ruined recently. I lost my focus, I lost my managing skill, I lost my dynamic rhythm. I’ve become a procrastinator without any real priority, getting lazier and lazier. Gee, I hate this! I don’t want to fall any deeper. What’s wrong with this all? WHAT”S WRONG WITH ME?

Figuring out, I’ve been being carried away by a slow motion of life in my daily activity. Working as routine, no dynamic target, no dynamic priority. Oh My God, it’s dangerous, for sure! It absorbs my spirit, absorbs my personality. I didn’t get use to do management things anymore, I didn’t get use to make any real plan anymore. Too much compliance, bias of action.

“However though yourself are, environment will impact you by inch. And it will be getting worst if you are alone in your vision. It’s not about inconsistency, but that’s a nature law”

Mayday! I have to solve this. I don’t want to change to another personality, I don’t want to lose myself. What I have now is just my though and hope. Hope my conscience will lead me out of this situation, BAD SITUATION. It looks so calm on the surface, act like nothing happen. But I do realize, sooner or later I am going to sink.

“Get out of the trap. If the environment give you a favor, get involve there. But if it’s not, no need to feel sorry to leave it. It’s not runaway, and it doesn’t mean that you are a looser. But it’s about knowing your inner potential, exactly.”

I’ve passed 2 years, 2 years and 21 days. Too much time for being wasted. It’s time to re-arrange my priority, re-manage my life. I do believe, I do sure that I could maintain all of my life planning, all of my life dreams, all of my life target if I can fix my priority. Don’t want to waste any second more to make a plan, without any clear objection. Uyach, come back now.. YOU HAVE TO!

 

#prayforUyach`..

 

To Be Honest, They Never Meant To Ruined This Peace..

 

“I come to this magnificent house of worship tonight because my conscience leaves me no other choice… A true revolution of values will lay hand on the world order and say of war, ‘This way of settling differences is not just.’ This business of burning human beings with napalm, of filling our nation’s homes with orphans and widows, of injecting poisonous drugs of hate into the veins of peoples normally humane, of sending men home from dark and bloody battlefields physically handicapped and psychologically deranged, cannot be reconciled with wisdom, justice, and love…”

 

_Martin Luther King Jr., quoted from Linkin Park – Wisdom, Justice and Love_

 

Morning Taujih

 

Wasiat Rasulullah  Muhammad SAW kepada Sayyidina Ali RA

 
Wahai Ali, bagi orang ‘ALIM itu ada 3 tanda-tandanya:
1) Jujur dalam berkata-kata.
2) Menjauhi segala yg haram.
3) Merendahkan hati.

Wahai Ali, bagi orang yang JUJUR itu ada 3 tanda-tandanya:
1) Merahasiakan ibadahnya.
2) Merahasiakan sedekahnya.
3) Merahasiakan ujian yg menimpanya.

Wahai Ali, bagi orang yang TAKWA itu ada 3 tanda-tandanya:
1) Takut berlaku dusta dan keji.
2) Menjauhi kejahatan.
3) Memohon yang halal kerana takut jatuh dalam keharaman.

Wahai Ali, bagi AHLI IBADAH itu ada 3 tanda-tandanya:
1) Mengawasi dirinya.
2) Menghisab dirinya.
3) Memperbanyak ibadah kepada Allah SWT.

 

 

#Astagfirullah Al Adzim.. Masih jauh Yaa Rabb, sangat jauh..

 

Rainy Wednesday, dan Saya Lagi Mumet Liat Angka

 

It seems that priority will continue to adapt and adapt, and in the end gradation is a must. Is it a proof of inconsistency? Or maybe, we actually haven’t recognized well our ownselves yet. So far there is only conjecture and guess work, interpretation of habitual attitude, or just suggestion of some personality test.

If so, where should we lead to find the mirror, reflection of inner intention? Moreover, we’ve never really known what do we really want, truly..  Hmmm, good point to be figured out.

 

Ok, ok. Enough for intermezo. Back to work, back to work, and back to work. Back to those boring number and calculation. Hoammmmmzzzzzzzz.. -_-!

 

 

 

 

 

   

 

PS. Klo jungkir balik kaya’ model di samping, bisa bikin otak hitung-hitungku jadi encer gak yah? O_o

 

Music for Life, Rythm of Spirit

 

Hmm… To be honest, my mood must be unstable or my brain is in complexity if I post something with this kind of outline *Jiyahhhhh, what kind of terms?! We can call it pretending cool. Hehehhh…* While everyone else are in year end euphoria, preparing to take a leave for traveling somewhere, visiting their hometown or anything that they can do to enjoy this periode -massive vacation time-, I’m still at my desk in stagnancy. HuuuuWahhh, tomorrow is a quite long weekend and I haven’t confirmed any plan to kill my time yet. Actually, I really want to back to my hometown. But for one and some reason, I have to discourage it. Yahhh, shame on me then..

Eitzz, but those are not the things that I want to talk about in this post actually. For now I really want to share some kind of inspirational song. Well, actually music is still disputed in Islamic fiqh based on preventive and the way of life consideration. Some of Da’i interpret Al-Qur’an and Al-Hadits points differently. But I do believe that everythings that come out positively in a good intention won’t be ignored in my religion. Beside that, Islam always loves magnificence, no exception in art, as long as those can lead us in a good manner and no contrary with any of Islamic points. So I think, as long as I can maintain my positive intention and manner, it will be acceptable. Wallahu ‘alam Bissawab..

Hmm… however, be selective in choosing the kind of music is such important thing. Thank’s Ya Rabb, because I have a good sense of music, more over I listen to the melody mostly than the lyrics. Exploration of the song itself is the second step, after the rythm can catch up with my taste first. No boundaries of genre, no boundaries of origin.

But since I’ve realized that song is effective enough as a media in learning process, I start to pay attention to the lyrics too. I can maintain my foreign linguistic interest through the song. And sometimes when I get bored or in a bad mood condition, music can help effectively. There are a lot of positive inspiration spreads in those tons number of songs, althought there’s nothing that can be as best as the magic effect of Al-Qur’an words of course. In this terms, I just want to emphasized that some thing can be positive or negative depend on the way we treat it. Life is about choices, and The Almighty Allah SWT has endue human with amazing logic capability to filter it.

After all, I want to share the recently listened song in my playlist. Nice meaning of lyrics, and of course nice rythm… ^^

 

When you take a breath
But you can’t hold it in
When you try to live
But you don’t know where to begin

When there’s no hope left
No place you can go
Well, just look inside your heart
Close your eyes and you’ll know

It’s euphoria
Out of the blue, into the light
Let it shine down all over you, yeah
You gotta give to love to get love

In euphoria
Under the moon, take in the night
Let each day start yourself anew, yeah
You gotta give love to get love

Like a piece of glass
That’s washed in from the sea
You can’t taste the good
unless your willing to bleed

So just take a chance
You’re ready to fly
Feel what it is to be alive

It’s euphoria
Out of the blue, into the light
Let it shine down all over you, yeah
You gotta give to love to get love

In euphoria
Under the moon, take in the night
Let each day start yourself anew, yeah
You gotta give love to get love

In euphoria
You gotta give love to get love
In euphoria
You gotta give love to get love
In euphoria

 

[ Alex Max Band, Euphoria ]

 

Life can bring you down
Then turn you around
Well, just take it from me
And you will see, you will see

That time will tell us when
To start again, start over again
Whoa, time will tell us when
To start again, start over again

Life can bring you up
And steal your luck
Well, just take it from me
And you will see, you will see

That time will tell us when
To start again, start over again
Whoa, time will tell us when
To start again, start over again

Time
Time, yeah
Time

After all you’ve done
You thought there’d be someone
Who’d give you everything you want
After all this time
You think they’d throw you a line
To let you know it’s gonna be alright

It’s gonna be alright

‘Cause time will tell us when
To start again, start over again
Whoa, time will tell us when
To start again, start over again

 

[ Alex Max Band - Start Over Again ]

 

Trust

 

Given in the right place,

Maintained through the best effort,

Restored with the sincerest heart.

 

Wawww.. It must be joking if I said that it will be easy. And since we know that the second chance becomes a scarce thing, it’s getting harder and harder. Al Mu’min, the only one that I can trust totally, the most trustful one..